FINALLY – It’s SPRING
I have a pending vacation that’s feeling good to me. I also have a countdown to ending my career in Physical Therapy – I can’t wait for that day.
I want to own Autumn.
I came up with the idea that it’s possible to Take Back My Seasons. I’m creating a theme for each season. It’s not a life long commitment so I don’t have to worry about abandoning it. Seasons change and so do I. The life in front of me doesn’t stay the same, (even when it feels like life is one shitty day after another) so why should I? I designed this idea to keep up with my rolling life circumstances, goals and mood. Making yearly resolutions never made sense to me. Seasonal resolutions will give me the chance to change monotony, modify to fit the life and weather that I’m living in the now.
This was one rough MF’er of a winter. I felt captive to the things I had to do (work, pay bills, eat, sleep, repeat). It felt darker than most, chilled inside with so many cold rain and snowy commutes. Moving forward into Spring I refuse to continue this mindset. It leads to behavior of the same. Letting another day, let alone a moment, go by doing something that I don’t want to do is not on my Spring 2018 agenda. I feel like there’s a limitless life to be had with only a few rules that should apply:
1. Things that will send me to prison (and I could be prone to bend on those).
2. Things that will cause me to lose my house or not have electricity.
Spring plans include practicing these selfish antics without guilt. That felt like a yearbook entry …… her plans include not working, being a little extra bitchy, saying NO to bullshit and will love Den forever <insert heart>.
Summer is for growth (this is about to be a terrible life metaphor). I want to grow something this year. I’ve always steered away from gardening – specifically me getting dirty. Lately I feel this energy pushing me to plant something. I’ve always had great respect for soil, it’s richness and magic. I just haven’t wanted to participate; I find it intimidating. Especially because my few houseplants over the course of the last 25 years never live. I’m committing this Spring to a flower box on the deck and 1 easy vegetable.
I’m sorry for this hateful metaphor – Tracy wants to plant and grow things and also Tracy is planning to plant and grow. Horrible I know, but I’m falling for it anyway. Because for the first time I have the urge to try.
Fall of 2018’s theme is yet to be determined. What I know right now is that I won’t be working so I get to fully experience it. I want those few crisp fall days to be mine, not hope for one that happens to be on a weekend. This will be the beginning of living a more simple life. That’s a coded phrase for having way less money. If you refer to the top of the page where I’m skirting around saying I can no longer participate in the work-to-pay-bills loop and I’m leaving my field — well that’s because the field has changed into something I no longer stand by. In fact I can’t stand it at all. I hope to expand on this in some format be it blog or podcast in the future.
By the start of the new year’s Winter I should be deep in my unknown of retirement. There could be both darkness on the inside and out as I transition into a change of financial lifestyle and comfort zone. I’m picturing it to be a little scary. It could be my cooking and writing season. Deep meditation and creation. I have books that I’ve never had time to read, and quite a bit of house organizing that needs to be done – both have no out of pocket cost might I add. Nonetheless this is happening and beyond getting to the date I don’t plan to over think it or change it.
That’s my outline right now. I like the concept of giving myself short periods of time in one mindset and the freedom to change. Life circumstances constantly evolve. Why should I funnel myself into a I’m gonna be holistic every day…. or start a diet and go to the gym…. or I’m gonna stop over thinking starting today. It’s fine to want those things but at this stage of my game it hasn’t worked and I plan on doing life different.